Volcanic eruptions in Los Angeles unleash a swarm of gigantic, lava-breathing tarantulas. With the old days of glamour long forgotten, Colton West, the once popular movie star and action hero from the 90s, is now reduced to acting in low-budget movies about horrific bugs. But when suddenly, a swarm of earthquakes hits Southern California, a string of unprecedented events, chaos and lava will give birth to a new breed of lava-breathing arachnids, forcing Colton to find his family before it's too late. Once more, this intrepid man of action will have to do what he knows best, armed only with a shotgun and the will to survive. However, what can a single man do against an endless army of monstrous Lavalantula's? A made for TV shlock by Syfy about giant lava spiders. You know what you're in for and you get exactly what you expect.<br/><br/>Steve Guttenberg (yes, he's still alive! He was unfrozen from the 80's) is an ex-famous actor, that somehow keeps getting into the TV news every 10 minutes. He encounters giant lava spiders, bad actors and terrible script and has to face them all - will he succeed?<br/><br/>The wooden direction and bad effects make the phrase "disaster movie" get more than one meaning. Terrible dialog, bad acting by the entire cast and awful direction - from staring into the wrong direction of the next effect shot, news anchor that is taken straight from a 70's students class of acting, car driving with exaggerated steering motions of the wheel which you haven't seen since the 60's, and up to a cop that stands behind a news reporter and keeps null signaling people who walk on the street. You simply have to watch this one.<br/><br/>This movie is wonderfully terrible and it goes straight into the "so bad it's good" list. Watch it with your friends, watch it when you're drunk, watch it when you're unconscious - you'll get a good time. Great stuff!<br/><br/>To its credit, the movie is self-aware (there is a hilarious cameo that I won't spoil for you) and it's not a "San Andreas" blockbuster-budget movie that takes itself seriously.<br/><br/>Conveniently, the movie is just 79 minutes long, but the last third changes from "so bad it's good" to just "bad" and finally to jumping the shark (or the spider).<br/><br/>Believe it or not, there is already a planned sequel. I watched most of 'Lavalantula' and feel as though I watched way more than I needed to. I got the whole idea and doubt I will attempt a repeat. Normally I like to build up 'B' movies, unless they are really awful. This movie was no 'Grade "B"' production, far from it. I would have to place this movie in the 'C' - no - make it the 'D' category. I did not expect much from this thing at all, and got even less than nothing. So why am I giving this movie a 10, three reasons. One: It was nice seeing Steve Gutenberg and other 'Police Academy' alumni again; two: I can, and three: I like getting thumbs down. In truth, this was good for what it is supposed to be, not made for everyone, but enjoyable to some (me being one of them). I kind of hoped the production team focused more on Steve and the reunion, as opposed to that shaky storyline the director tossed at my TV and Peeple's chest (she actually is a talented actor). The concept is clever, but the story itself loses focus and seems too disjointed. Granted, a movie like this does not need much of a script or structure…but it was missing way too much. I should go easier on 'Firespiders', it is what it is, and fun to watch. I like that Syfy is cranking this kind of stuff out. I mean come on, less entertaining garbage has won Academy Awards. Keep it up. Thumbs down are more than welcome.
Mannhany replied
295 weeks ago